The Verge of Meaning:

A Small Anthology of Spam Poetry

Illuminated by bad attempts at humor

[insert profound ramblings here]


From: Herminia Fitch <>
Subject: RE: conic
Date: Tue, 16 Mar 2004 02:25:17 +0600

delicious convivial desecrate carthaginian. tied, commercial narcotic.

[Quick, what kind of conic is this? A hyperbole, a parabole, or an ellipsis? First prize: a delicious convivial evening in Carthage, complete with an abundance of commercial narcotics. Second prize: be tied by Madame Herminia and desecrated by the winner of the first prize. The horsetail? Let it remain a surprise.]


From: Eugenio Bright <>
Subject: married
Date: Sun, 07 Mar 2004 18:58:56 -0800

penumbra typewrite
incommensurate ergative
ingersoll crt
aye brought yarn

flounce south baste

[These days, ergatives just don't have a sense of proportion... And let's not even get started on the gerundials, the supines, and the pluperfect subjunctive...]


From: Staci Fox <>
Subject: circumcision predatory indentation pornographer coeducation
Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2004 12:44:39 -0100

brazen saloonkeep horrible betsy geology halfway afterglow sforzando mylar heighten
barefaced impious assam assam restraint nh barnes hallow aspect
bricklay dulse guatemala montenegrin byte gimbel dam mice

[Ouch. I hereby extend my deepest sympathies to the victims of horrible Betsy, that brazen saloonkeep, and her lust for predatory circumcision. The bricks and the dam mice don't sound too encouraging either.]


From: Marta Milda <>
Subject: u this damn fatty, becareful bipartite gammy phidias
Date: Thu, 08 Jan 2004 13:01:39 +0100

bowel sagittal occluded required lazy soundly salix grumble unexcelled beetle
bumbledom ulna absolutism melanotis policy academy colossus
blintz oilstone drubbing stodge psoriasis billycock mutchkin economy marginated terceron cerni soggy

[When it comes to bowels and arrows (sagitta = arrow), this cartoon should not be missed.]


Date: Mon, 08 Dec 2003 10:06:38 -0800
From: "Nihilist B. Verb" <>
Subject: problems never seen before, it's nasty obviously

[Nihilist Not B. Verb.  Nihilist B. Noun.  Nihilize B. Verb.]


From: Justine Shipman <>
Subject: promethean protozoa
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2004 04:56:45 -0500

[Given their shapeshifting abilities, perhaps "protean" would be more suitable. On the other hand, the mental image of a euglena chained to the Caucasian rocks, its membrane partially torn open, its mytochondria and Golgi apparatus mercilessly peppered by antibiotics day after day, is somehow fascinating... Perhaps Justine is related to to the late Doctor Harold?]


From: "Coruscate D. Dismember" <>
Subject: Explore top-rated Super Viagtra! A unpatrolled onanists options.
Date: Sat, 28 Feb 2004 18:58:09 -0800

[I can see how Viagra could come in handy for the onanists, particularly the unpatrolled ones. But the horror! The horror! What is the word "dismember" doing in a Viagra ad? I had no idea that those lesbians-at-large are so mean.]


From: Georgette Buffy <>
Subject: WE SELL ALL POPULAR SOFTWARES AT $50 EACH afresh lucite
Date: Mon, 07 Jun 2004 03:14:45 -0600

starveling talipes walk

[Short but wonderfully poignant. Note: talipes = clubfoot.]


From: Javier Joyce <>
Subject: dissident clodhoppers beyond 8540
Date: Sat, 04 Sep 2004 03:14:23 -0200

Joel, although somewhat soothed by starlet living with avocado pit and movie theater toward warranty.Now and then, blithe spirit related to tape recorder throw at skyscraper for.dolphin from oil filter reach an understanding with cashier for, because behind fruit cake steal pencils from ruffian for nation.Joel, although somewhat soothed by apartment building toward and umbrella behind steam engine.He called her Joel (or was it Joel?).dust bunny around bubble bath procrastinates, or of CEO reach an understanding with around grizzly bear.

[Great poem in prose, full of spirited imagery -- "dissident clodhoppers", a "starlet living with avocado pit", "dolphin from oil filter", a "dust bunny" sensibly taking a bubble bath, and a CEO reaching an understanding with a grizzly bear (doubtlessly throwing him a few unfortunate underlings by way of appeasement) -- with a perfect touch of mystery regarding the identity of the elusive Joel. Javier proves himself worthy of his illustrious surname.]


From: Dona Isabelle <>
Subject: hi
Date: Thu, 21 Oct 2004 11:31:39 -0500

figure expected comfort pleasure
best particularly beside
worth mine

[A fine combination of come-hither and stream-of-consciousness. Truly "on the verge of meaning". Doña Isabelle is quite the charmer.]


From: "Roslyn Myrick" <>
Subject: in his arms, dislocated
Date: Tue, 30 Nov 2004 02:05:34 -0700

[A marvellous and unexpected transition from glurgy, corny romance to violent, heavy-duty S/M horror.]


From: Cialis Levitra <>
Subject: buy_from_us_and_Save
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 01:32:45 -0800

See it now and you won't regret
grammatic chap feathery bluff, cataract graveyard hypothetic.
subjectivity johns, picnicking stroll impasse

[Again a contribution with some well-placed imagery, teeming with possible meanings. The graveyard, we guess, is for people who fell down a cataract or waterfall. Or is it only hypothetic for now, awaiting the first victim, a grammatic chap whose hope for a feathery landing is, sadly, mere bluff? And how will the impasse among the picknicking and strolling subjectivity johns be resolved? And do the "johns" bear a subtle relationship to the author's name? (Incidentally, I shudder to think that there is a family who would name their child Cialis Levitra. Surely the poor creature would get sick of everybody laughing at such a walking advertisement for erectile dysfunction and kill him/herself well before getting through high school.)]


From: USA Sports Advisors <>
Subject: Late Breaking Info from Morning Shoot-Around Guarantees Tonight's NBA Winner
Date: Sun, 10 Apr 2005 10:02:33 -0700

[Sounds like a nifty and handy way to make sure that your team will win. And the phrase "morning shoot-around" makes it sound so whimsical and frivolous. Picture a languorous day-dreamer saying: "Ah, I felt like going for a small shoot-around this morning..."]


From: Terence Doyle <>
Subject: Long time
Date: Sat, 23 Apr 2005 18:26:39 +0100

Hey Mark, I'm going to cut straight to the point, if ur looking to en- 1arge ur johnson (unit) then here's the cure.

during dauphine

[If you ask me, cutting straight to the point does not sound like a very appealing way to enlarge your johnson. Nevertheless this piece is a fine contribution to the slasher/horror genre, and the subject line is a nice example of the low-grade punning that is so popular in the porn industry. And I can't help wondering whom/what he does before and after Dauphine...]


From: Sandy Pennington <>
Subject: Hi ,,, xhwaul
Date: Wed, 27 Apr 2005 06:25:49 -0100

Change can be very beneficial for your savings account.

[Yes but you need whole bucketloads of it... And the tellers won't be happy :-)]

Here is an excellent opportunity to replace your tolerable house payments with [...]

[...intolerable ones? :-)]


From: Kristina Keller <>
Subject: More power to you!
Date: Wed, 27 Apr 2005 10:25:58 +0000

I have always worried about the size of my penis. [...]

[No wonder that she is worried, she shouldn't be having one in the first place... :-)]


From: "live a happy, healthy lifeinfections" <>
Subject: daily cold or flu ? -mjynx
Date: Fri, 06 May 2005 00:21:30 +0600

The Ancient Secret of LIFE


[Why does he want to blow away Bactria? Did he get kicked by a camel there?]


From: Jordan Stone <>
Subject: Re: Account # 3044083A
Date: Sat, 07 May 2005 11:33:16 +0600

Asumdari   mistirioy   aslongic  Muchastic.   kelsad  meras.   Arcade

[Words of truly mystical import, worthy of a Chaldean magical incantation. Well, except for Muchastic, which sounds like somebody was a tad too keen on art nouveau.]


203 Paniki, Bagabag, Nueva Vizcaya
Region 2, Philippines

12 May 2005


Please help us spread/disseminate the good news (Food for the Thoughts Message = The LAW and the LIBERTY or the TRUTH) to our fellowmen in the whole world as attached herewith, the Spiritual Divine Government or the Kingdom of God may come. Thy Kingdom Come, Thy will be Done.

In God We Trust. GOD BLESS US.

Peace Crusader
170 San Lorenzo St., Zone 4, Villasis, Pangasinan
Region I, Philippines

Approved and Confirmed By:

Supreme Minister/Pastor
Region 2, Philippines

[snip snip snip... several pages of verbiage follow]

[One of the funniest pieces of spam I received in the recent months. They sound like some bizarre combination of a paramilitary formation and BDSM fetishists. (They have a "Supreme Minister/Pastor" whose name is Dominator! Sounds like a former Hell's Angels enthusiast.) Sure, organizing a crusade is definitely the right way to spread universal love and peace. What an irony that this mail circulates just when a blockbuster movie playing worldwide is showing that crusades were mostly about bloodshed and slaughter. And the pompous arrogance of the statement "GOD BLESS US" is almost on the level of the hilarity of the Fatmouse manifesto...]


From: Colin Ladner <>
Subject: My pvt cam
Date: Thu, 12 May 2005 10:55:56 -0800

Hi there. My name is Julie, I am half british half scotish. I know its a weird mix :D, [...]

[Apparently the Scottish efforts for greater autonomy have taken a bold stride in defiance, or rather in gross ignorance, of geography. And that's not the only weird thing about him/her, (s)he is also half man and half woman (Colin/Julie). Surely the postmodernists would be delighted to write a couple of papers about this mess of confused identities.]


From: anette Adhem <>
Subject: There's Nothhing wLike a HHot PennySt0ck,. freshman
Date: Thu, 19 May 2005 02:58:06 -0700

This Weeks Hot Pick Is FNPL. With a 52wk high of 1.50 [...]

[Proving that, when it comes to spam, pornography and the stock market are two great tastes that taste great together!]


From: Major Bradshaw <>
Subject: Re: Vplaint AHemoccult In Vitro
Date: Fri, 27 May 2005 13:30:18 -0500

[This subject line is simply a masterpiece, truly teeming with possible meanings. It makes for quite a sinister opening: blood (hem-) and occultism; something being done in vitro; an implant perhaps ("plaint" being a typo)? The good major deserves at least an OBE for services to English Literature.]


From: Sonia Atkins <>
Subject: Fwd: We Prescribe Medicines Online and Ship To Your Door.
Date: Mon, 06 Jun 2005 01:57:47 -0300

be the guinea pig? The Bundespost Ministry in Bonn? A single quote sufficesfrom his danger, he forgot his promise. Shortly afterwards, an old man, said, Let us cease lamenting, my mates, for, as it may have less obvious, yet farther reaching affects, for good or ill.

[Sounds like the beginning of a spy novel from the Cold War period... And I really wonder what sort of experiments the Bundespost in Bonn was performing on the guinea pigs.]


From: Ella Randall <>
Subject: Re: was think it cymbal mormon
Date: Mon, 13 Jun 2005 03:52:47 -0500

However, the difference in capabilities between biological polaroid, faster (perhaps) than money, more satisfying than -

[Ah, the little known virtues of a biological polaroid. What oh what is it more satisfying than? Only the cymbal-playing mormons have the answer...]


From: lyndsay teetz <>
Subject: ST0CK Market Opportunities
Date: Mon, 13 Jun 2005 17:37:13 -0800


[Another priceless combination of stocks and pornography, with a wonderful assembly of double entendres: "Adam's capital", Miss "Teetz", "Get in now"... Even "hot shot" and "issue" are starting to look a little suspicious.]


From: Julie Dickens <>
Subject: guess who :)
Date: Wed, 15 Jun 2005 01:54:18 -0200

you rickshaw me caliph me  you carlin me teletype me
you hanford me both me  you schelling me armhole me

[An impressive instance of heavy-duty verbing of nouns. Poetry has clearly come a long way from the times of ABBA's "you thrill me, you delight me". Note the caesura in the middle of each line, and a hint of alliteration in the first line; Julie must be a student of Old English poetry.]


From: torri Temple-Downing <>
Subject: Insider Pick Revealed For This Week, represent
Date: Mon, 19 Sep 2005 15:29:17 -0700

torri Great Investment Newsletter
Get APWL . Pk!

APWL Is A Gold Mine - It's Ready To Explode.

[more than 500 lines of verbiage omitted]

seize migrator

[I don't know about you, but a mine that's about to explode doesn't sound like such a great investment to me. I'm more keen on the idea to seize the migrator, whoever/whatever he/she/it is.]


From: PLASMON <>
Subject: Operation RAID: 20% Discount Offer for New Plasmon Channel Recruits
Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2005 05:30:55 -0500 (EST)

Operation RAID. Be part of it.

Mission:    Recruitment of elite reseller partners
Codename:    Operation RAID

[A great combination of spam and cyberpunk-style science fiction... Watch 0ut 4 teh 7337 reseller RAIDers and their plasmon guns!!!1111]


From: Sylvester Short <>
Subject: housebound cogency
Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2006 19:51:10 +0000

prescription unaware as worthless to dispenser. kite sighted funny bone, and ma'am goodies as indescribably relinquish
has-been: bustle by newscast,
ditch cobblestone! nurture aspersion. an pragmatist comprehension slot was shatter,
staircase nuptials small change a bouncer with retroactive it House, curfew, luminary!!! bleed to...

industry the indirectness to that saying poetically, an liberal of margarine and Sr. disturbing colony bigwig a that

[A great set of intriguing phrases: "housebound cogency", "ditch cobblestone", "nurture aspersion", "staircase nuptials". But the whole thing feels somewhat hurried ("House, curfew, luminary!!!"), as if the author was being overtaken by the quickness of his/her own thoughts and associations. Still, a worthy contribution after this long drought of several months (probably caused by my ISP's spam filter).]


From: Rolf Medina <>
Subject: explanatory Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2006 22:27:40 -0400

kung fu, at plunger was especially in trepidation as economical as regards, quack the that metallurgy, portrait trampoline cheerfulness salvation to with an arbitrator the of allergic, debilitate at biographical cultural the blond theme song of voracity and cerebral palsy. to hymnal of sympathetic, silverware schedule haven't,:


From: Kelsey <>
Subject: New New It will be great Be delighted with
Date: Thu, 24 Aug 2006 13:18:55 +0200

Dear member.

[Looks like somebody took an extra dose of their double entendre pills this morning...]

Have you ever dreamt to have a very hard penis during all process?

[To sleep, perchance to dream...]

But some of us think it's impossible

[You'd better think again then :)]


From: Kinzig Winchenbach <>
Subject: Dead Reverend's Rubber Feetish
Date: Tue, 09 Sep 2008 10:00:27 +0000

[I wonder what his masses looked like...]

Two thousand years. In kali, however, o bull of of panama.
for i was beginning to see. Silas blackburn's an aperture
in the covering. The understanding command, however, of
king yudhishthira the just, there was a desperate struggle
which ended quickly..

[A fine pastiche of classical Indian literature. I am become spam, the destroyer of mailboxes...]


Collected by Janez Brank